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| Hey guys. If you didn't already know, just about every entry on my site has a title which is either a song or album title. Try to see how many you can guess (artist, album for extra points). The winner will get a special prize. Benny G | | |
| It's that time of year again. Black Friday. Know for early bird specials and old ladies being trampled for the latest Barbie doll. It's also the time that I digest my thanksgiving feast and think about Christmas. This year, Xbox 360 has topped my list. I went into Gamestop today to do a little research. With the concole wars heating up, I wanted to see what the 360 had to offer. What I discovered is how bad the gaming industry is getting. I looked through the wall of games for it, and could find very few titles not sporting an "m" rating. Most of the shooters contained the "strong language" label, which is a main factor that will turn me off to a game. I then stepped over to the 360 demo station and began playing Rainbow Six:Vegas. Everything seemed in order. The action was pretty good. The graphics were amazing. It was as bloody as I expected. I was deep into a firefight when I heard an AI character yell out "F*** You!" I was pretty shocked, considering I had to wait for about ten minutes while this little kid was playing. A little kid. Hearing and F-bomb. It was pretty easy to access the game, even though it too doned the "m". This was a real eye opener to me. I love video games. I grew up playing Super Mario on NES and Zelda on the N64. No I can barely find a good game that doesn't contain language or sexual stuff. It's terrible. An industry that started out with two paddles and a square going back and forth on the screen. Then there's things like the Hot Coffee controversy surrounding an already mature game, Grand Theft Auto. Later on, I continued to wander throughout the store. I came across a boy (probably 13 or 14) wandering throughout the shelves, with his mom following his every step and pretty much denying every game he even reached for. I feal so lucky that I can make my own decisions and have the Holy Spirit to guide me. Normally I don't write things like this. I'm usually pretty liberal. I have certain boundaries that I will never cross, but otherwise I don't really think twice about it. But when I see a 6 or 7 year old playing a game such as Rainbow Six and hearing these expletives while blowing the brains out of his enemies, I get a bit unsettled. I confess, I did grow up with Goldeneye 007 and WCW: World Tour, but those feel like Bambi compared to what there is now. Why can't someone walk into someplace like Gamestop and find with little difficulty a game that is fun and not "R" rated. Again, I'm not too strict over things of this nature, but I do have my lines that I will not cross. And this is not just limited to games. The same problems arise in movies, TV, and music. It just shows how corrupt our world is. Benny G | | |
| I got a lot going threw my mind right now. Just be praying for me (like I'm sure you already are). Peace Benny G | | |
| What now? That's a question I ask myself. What should I be doing? Why can't I do what I know I need to? I'm not happy. I should be, but I'm not. I have a great life. The problem is I can't picture any circumstances in which i'd be happier. Life just seems so dark and bland. I have such a lack of passion. It's terrible when you're an aspiring songwriter. I feel like my life's peak has come and gone and the show is almost over. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal or anything, I just feel really weird. I think this is God's way of saying "You have no idea". It's true. I've always tried to picture what my life will be like and what the best circumstances are. I think God is saying top me "Ben, I have so much more for you than you could even imagine." It stinks now, but it gives me something to look forward to. I guess a huge issue in my life is my relationship with God and how easily everyone is fooled. My relationship with God has been on the fritz for a really long time, but it seems like no one has noticed. Like I know how to play the role of a Christian, I'm just acting though. Avoiding my problems and trying to be happy. There's the problem. Satan really got to me and has a real foothold. I need serious prayer to get back on track. The problem is that no matter what I do, I always end up at a dead end. I pray and ask God to give me a passion and a love for Him and His word, and I get nothing. It's not just with God either. In every area of my life. Skating, for instance. I try and I try and I just get nowhere. Music. I play my guitar all the time, but I'm still sloppy. I can't even write that well. I mean, ok my first song wasn't terrible. But it wasn't that good either. I can't find anyone to be in a band with. My biggest struggle is finding someone i have a lot common with. I have people that really care about me and I really appreciate that, but I don't have too much in common. The things I'm passionate about, they don't really care about. I hate it. I feel very alone. Even though there are people everywhere that love me. Moreover, I have so much trouble being a friend. My relationship with Aimee is in the dumps. Even she and I don't have much in common. I don't really have anyone I can hang out with and not have to think about what to say next. In the words of George Costanza "I always have to be on." I have no one i can just chill out with. No one I can just invite over and just chill with. Without having to worry about what music to listen to or what we would do. I remember seeing part of Pulp Fiction on TV. There was a quote in it about awkward silences. It went something like "you know you're really compatible with someone when you can sit there in silence and be completely comfortable." And that's the truth. I always feel like I have to entertain the other person. I want to be able to not think about it. Like when I was little. I had a friend who lived right across the street and we were like family. We could hang out and be perfectly comfortable. I almost wish I was a kid again. When life was so simple. As they say, ignorance is bliss. I've never had a relationship like that. I don't have any friends like that. Friends that will stick with you throught thick and thin and love you no matter what. Don't get me wrong, I do have people that are like that. But they were alive in the 60's and 70's. I listen to Led Zeppelin on cd's, they saw them in concert. Do you kind of see my point? It almost feels like I'm repeating history. Like I'm where I was a year ago. Maybe God's trying to tell me something. Maybe He wants me to focus on Him. I don't know. I'm just sick and tired of being unsatisfied with my life and feeling like there is nothing I can do about it. Like God just isn't listening. But He's the only one that can help me. It seems I have become so cinical. Like nothing is ever good enough. I meet anyone, I can always find a problem with them instead of seeing the good in them. Maybe that's why my life is the way it is. Anyway you slice it, god is doing something powerful in my life and I have no idea what it is. Pray for me Benny G | | |
| Hey guys, it's been a while. I'll start off this entry with a quote : "Punk rock is doing what you wanna do, not what you feel like you have to do." How true. Have you ever sat on the hood of a car and staired into the sky. If you haven't, I highly suggest you try it. The sky is absolutely amazing. On a perfectly clear day without a cloud in the sky, or at night with all the stars out, or whenever, it's a very peaceful thing. It's a practice I've grown very fond of. There are many things in nature that I think many people miss because they are so wrapped up in whatever they're doing. It's always been important to me to make sure I don't take life too seriously. In the words of Van Wilder "You can't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive." In my own life, I put most of my time and effort in what i find important. School is not one of things. Don't get me wrong, i do the work and get good grades. I just don't stress over it. What's important to me are : God, my family, music, my friends, skating, and nature. In one of my classes today, my teacher showed us an article in the Providence Journal about this. It was written by someone at MIT and it talked about how the system expects too much of students today and they lose all of their creativity. I agree. Before I go any further, I want to clear something up: I am not against hard work. I just find it pointless to put all your time into something you're not interested in. Kids today don't enjoy life as much because they're too busy buried in a textbook. They're so busy trying to meet the standard that they don't stop to take in what's around them. In my mind, there are very few things better than putting on some Angels & Airwaves and staring into the sunset. Even musicians do this. I've met many musicians who are so worried about making amazing music that they don't let they're soul out. They don't enjoy it. I love to sit on my bed and strum some chords on my acoustic guitar or sit on my couch with my eyes closed with some music on picturing myself rockin out to tousands of fans. This is why I love punk rock. It isn't about standards or rules. it's pure rock passion. For all you students out there. Next time you have a test or homework to do, don't be afraid to skip and go out with your friends or play hooky and go to a rock concert. Whatever. Here's the challenge. One day this week, go out and lay on the grass or the hood of your car and just lose yourself in the sky. Just forget about the world around you for a moment and just lose yourself. You'll thank me later. Don't be afraid to miss an assignment or not do something and just pause and look around you fro a moment. God has put some amazing things on this Earth. Enjoy them. Be in prayer for me. Peace and Love Benny G | | |
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